June 27, 2022



Ranking H-E-B’s new Astros commercials featuring Jose Altuve, Alex Bregman, Lance McCullers and Jeremy Peña

2 min read

H-E-B released a new batch of commercials last week with Astros stars Jose Altuve, Alex Bregman, Lance McCullers and Jeremy Peña. Altuve and Bregman are veterans of the Texas grocery king’s commercials, but McCullers and Peña look like worth additions.

Here’s how we rank H-E-B’s six new commercials with the Astros …

6. Wait training

It’s only 10 seconds long and Altuve has just a one-word line as he waits for the microwave to finish with his H-E-B meal, “Finally.” It’s the grin from Altuve that does it, making us think he probably had a hard time getting that short spot done without laughing.

5. Batting practice

This is a 10-second spot with no lines, just Alex Bregman trying to sneak some H-E-B Snack Mix away from Jeremy Peña while the rookie slaps his hand away.

4. Pop flies

A 10-second ad in which Lance McCullers has to do something much tougher than reciting a line. He walks down a hall tossing H-E-B Cheese Puffs in the air and catching them with his mouth. There doesn’t appear to be any camera tricks here and he catches three straight while barely breaking stride. We’re going to need to see the outtakes on this one.

3. H-E-B fans

Another short ad with no lines – hey, these guys are busy, they don’t have time to study a script – just Lance McCullers, in full uniform, walking into the house, tossing his keys – with an H-E-B keychain – into an H-E-B bowl and then ripping off his game pants to reveal H-E-B pajamas.

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2. Parking Space

Alex Bregman turns in the best H-E-B acting performance since the days of J.J. Watt clowning on store president Scott McClelland in their ads from years ago. When Jeremy Peña parks out front of Bregman’s home, the Astros third baseman tells the rookie to move his car because that spot’s reserved for H-E-B deliveries. “For real, bro?,” Peña asks. That’s when Bregman hits his line perfectly, “There’s a sign. Right here.” It also features Altuve parking near the same spot, and when told there’s no parking, tossing his keys to Peña and saying, “Park it somewhere safe, kid” punctuating it with a chuckle. 

1. Salsa night

This one’s going to go down as one of H-E-B’s all-time greats. It features Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve hosting a salsa night with various dips, including Bregman’s own Breggy Bomb Salsa. Lance McCullers and Jeremy Peña arrive geared up in salsa attire prepared for a salsa night of their own. The commercial peaks with the glimpse of Peña dipping McCullers while both have roses in their mouths.

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